Creating Joy Now

Thursday, December 8th, 2011

Many years ago, my husband Jack and I lived in NYC on the Upper West Side. We just loved its casualness, boutique stores and closeness to Central Park. One day while we were walking on Columbus Avenue, just around the corner where John Lennon lived, we saw a new store opening up called The Last Wound Up. We liked the name and thought it was catchy. The place specialized in wound-up toys; which we both found very appealing. However, one day I got terribly upset when Jack surprised me with a t-shirt from the store.

On the front of the shirt it read The Last Wound Up, but on the other side it said “Don’t Postpone Joy.” This gift with it’s sweet and light message quickly turned into a sad and upset feeling for me. Jack had a sense of how I would react and was not surprised that this phrase “Don’t Postpone Joy” would get me charged up. He was ready to face my fiery reaction. I lashed out at him, “Why did you get me this shirt with that phrase on it? Is that how you see me?” He simply answered, “Yes, I do.”

This verbal exchange led me to face something I had not examined every before. “I was not joyful. I was joyless.” And I believe Jack was ready to tell me through the message on the shirt that he wanted to look at that part of my life. And I did. I slowly began to shift from being joyless to joyful. It made a very positive difference in my way of being in the world.

As caregivers we are often walking around feeling drained and joyless. The tasks of choosing an excellent geriatric physician, meeting with an elder law attorney or fighting with the nurses in the hospital are overwhelming. The constant concern of “How do I tell my parents it’s time to get some help in the house to care for them?” stops you from sleeping at night. All these responsibilities are physically and emotionally straining to the point where you would may want to stick your head in the sand and not come up for air for a long time.

I am happy to say that The New Age of Caregiving Symposium on Friday, September 23, 2011 at Ruth Eckerd Hall in Clearwater, FL inspired hundreds of caregivers to shift from feeling joyless to joyful. They slowly began living in the moment as they stepped into the Great Room to experience the beautiful setting, mellow music and friendly comradery. There was a sense of unity. Everyone was there for a reason and were ready to feel fulfilled and contentment. The guests were focused on having a good time, gathering information from the many vendors and speaking one-on-one with the caregiver experts. Most of the caregivers indulged in getting a massage, relaxed with sound therapy and allowed themselves to relish in the art of healing touch.

By lunch time, the attendees had let their worries go and were now embracing the lightness of joy. The metamorphosis was amazingly contagious. Everyone was chatting and ready to attend the various breakout sessions that provided an “experiential learning” approach to improving their caregiver skills.

As the symposium closed for the day, the remarks that flowed through the air were a testament to the power of positive change. Undeniably, we were all touched my each other’s stories, laughter and connection. Caregivers who had no one to talk to now have a circle of friends who they could meet up with – in person, on the phone or through email. They are no longer traveling this journey alone. They feel empowered by the information they received and are now armed with some new skills they could use to give them the strength and grace to carry on.

The holidays are upon us now and it is the perfect time to remember to not “Postpone Joy” but better yet to embrace JOY whether we are active caregivers or have lost that role for now. What about you? Are you ready to remain connected to your personal power to be a loving and well-informed caregiver this season? To be joyful in the midst of messiness, challenges and surprises? I hope so.

Live Well,
Kim

Guest Blog: Turn Down the “Me”

Monday, August 8th, 2011

Carol Cummings, BSN, RN, CHWC, CWP Director of Optimum Life Development Brookdale Senior Living

The following guest post is complements of Carol Cummings, BSN, RN, CHWC, CWP Director of Optimum Life Development at Brookdale Senior Living. We appreciate her insight and contribution to improving the lives of caregivers.  Here is a little wisdom about becoming more aware of ourselves and our relationships.

Some interesting research has come about because of our ability to image the brain. One such study involves looking at the effect of spirituality on the brain. According to researcher Brick Johnstone of Missouri University,

an area in the right parietal lobe known as the “me definer” is less operative in spiritual people. This area of the brain is responsible for awareness of “me” in social context and also for self-criticism. Having this area turned down through implementing spiritual practices can result in less self focus. According to the researchers, this more selfless state may be responsible for a great deal of the benefit experienced by those who engage in spiritual practices and translate to a more peaceful state.

So, what do they mean by spiritual practices? Should you go to church or temple more often? The practices looked at in the study had more to do with daily sessions of meditation, prayer and other quieting ways of focusing the mind. Any activity that causes one to “lose” oneself can have benefit. Below are some suggestions for things to try.

•    Appreciation of art or nature-this can quiet the “me” definer and reduce stress. Find something that causes you to feel a high degree of joy. I have a garden with a water feature that is an amazing sanctuary-I spend every possible minute there in the summer.
•    Repetitive activity such as knitting, walking, gardening-anything that you enjoy, can have benefits similar to meditation.
•    Tai Chi and Yoga are often cited as examples of spiritual practices because of their ability to focus the mind and rework our thoughts.
•    Music can bring great joy and comfort. Find a kind of music that you enjoy and listen often. A musical friend recently told me that music is its own language-allow it to speak to your soul.
•    The greatest silencing of the “me center” will occur with deep states of mediation and prayer. There are many great resources for these practices. When you get good at mediation, you can bring about a state of relaxation very quickly.

Spiritual outlooks have long been associated with better states of wellness and health. Other common spiritual attitudes shown to have benefit include gratitude, forgiveness and giving.  We could all benefit from turning down the “me” a little.

Be Well on Purpose

You can read more of Carol’s articles at: http://www.brookdaleliving.com/blog.aspx

Guest Blog: Be Well On Purpose

Monday, August 1st, 2011

At Brookdale, through our Optimum Life program we have a wellness theme every year that relates to one of the six dimensions of wellness. For those of you who don’t know, the six dimensions are: Physical, Emotional, Purposeful, Social, Spiritual and Intellectual. This year our theme relates to the purposeful dimension and is titled Be Well on Purpose.

Carol Cummings, BSN, RN, CHWC, CWP Director of Optimum Life Development Brookdale Senior Living

I believe that all of us want to make a difference and feel that our lives have purpose and meaning. Research in the field of positive psychology tells us that the pursuit of happiness will bring more lasting fulfillment if we look for that which brings meaning and purpose rather than fleeting pleasure. The former may not bring immediate happiness but will in the long run lead to a greater sense of what Aristotle called “eudaimonia” which is achieved by fulfilling our potential.

I attended the memorial service of a virtual stranger last week. I knew some members of her family, but had never met her. Through the service I learned some things about her. This woman had been in a wheelchair for most of the past 7 years. But she still managed to touch many lives through her compassionate listening and offering of wise counsel. She had made friends throughout the world by editing the books of aspiring authors-using her skills as a retired English teacher. Her family knew her as a wonderful mother, wife and grandmother. She was an artist, reader, teacher.

During this service I found myself wondering what people would be saying about me if it were my memorial. I remembered that was an exercise at a seminar I attended years ago. When trying to define your purpose-think about how you want to be remembered.

What do you want people to be saying about you?

Through researching and promoting purposeful wellness this year I have had a few insights that I would like to share with you:

• You have inherent purpose-you will most likely never know all of the ways you have touched others with the things you say and do.

• A few people will impact the world in a way that many will know about. Most of us will not-and that is ok. Your life matters and you will impact the people you are meant to if you live with purpose.

• Purpose is more about who you are than what you “do”. Make a decision to be a certain kind of person and the tasks associated with that will take care of themselves. As Mother Teresa said, “Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.”

• Giving to others is one of the fastest ways to find happiness.

• It is never too late to start looking for, defining or redefining and living out your purpose.

• People who have a sense of purpose live longer and have better health.

The Positive Psychology department at the University of Pennsylvania has a web site that contains multiple questionnaires that you can take to help you on this journey. The website is: http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx

Be Well On Purpose

You can read more of Carol’s articles at: http://www.brookdaleliving.com/blog.aspx

 

7 Fashion Tips for Caregivers

Monday, July 11th, 2011

Some of the ways to not make fashion mistakes is learning how to avoid them in the first place, which may sound simple, understanding your body type and what you should wear and not wear.  There are several things you should avoid if you want to look your best.

  1. First, wear clothes that actually fit you.  If you are a size 14, do not try to squeeze yourself into a size 12, because it will not only be uncomfortable for you to wear, but others will know you are wearing too tight of clothing.  Avoid clothing that is too loose, because this will make you look sloppy and it will actually make you look heavier then you are.  Even thin people when they wear ‘loose’ may appear 10 pounds heavier.  The proper fit is your first step to dressing your best.
  2. Creating Mish Mash, by buying odds and ends.  We have been lulled into thinking that off price merchandise as minor purchases won’t blow our wardrobe concept or budget.   The mish mash I am referring too makes our dressing in the morning stressful and often we walk away thinking we have nothing to wear, finding that our minor purchases has cost us quite a bit, not only in our wallet, but also in our confidence in dressing successfully.
  3. Wearing Black, Head to Toe!  Black is a woman’s basic go to color.  Are you comfortable with the basic and easy dressing concept? Sometimes we are too comfortable wearing the old standbys.   Shake it up a bit, consider adding a well-placed block of color, bold or not, add a fun top, or even a pop of color in your shoe!
  4. Choosing the wrong undergarments.  I recommend that you have a professional bra fitting every year.  Purchase three new bras, you only need three, one to wear, one that is in the laundry and one to spare. Hand wash or gentle cycle washing your bra will help them last about a year.  Lying them flat to dry, as hanging them causes them to stretch out.  Never put them into the dryer. Consider wearing a sleep bra as well, this will prevent sagging, and keep things from shifting, even a woman as young as 15 should be wearing a sleep bra, if you aren’t wearing one now, it’s not too late to begin prevention of additional sagging and shifting.
  5. If you are interested in trying a new trend, jump ahead in small does, love the look of the wider jean leg, then try the mini bell or slight flair in the pant.  Some trends have a short shelf life, be sure that you feel confident in the piece and that you have items in your closet that will mix and match with the items you are bringing home.
  6. Forgetting to update your hair and makeup.  Alter it if you haven’t done so in the last three years.  Change your makeup colors every season, especially if you are prone to tan in the summer, remember to ask the experts to help you.
  7. Remember to finish your looks with the right type of footwear.  Remember that your footwear is part of your outfit.  Your shoes need to flatter your outfit, not stand apart from it.  The right footwear will enhance your outfit.
    It’s the little things that kill your wardrobe!  Avoiding certain fashion mistakes will help you enjoy dressing in clothes that fit and flatter you, which makes you not only look better, but feel better.  Boosting your closets style file doesn’t need to break the bank.  Adding a few investment pieces will exponentially expand your wardrobe and even increase the value of some of your other over looked treasures.

Thank you to our fashion tip contributor Karen Toutant, Karen’s journey in the fashion industry began 17 years ago.  When her children were young, she was introduced to a concept of selling clothing directly to women, in the comfort of their home: a travel collection, called Weekenders.  Karen quickly moved up the success ladder, as a Sales Manager with a team of 50 women that she mentored and trained. During the 12 years as a Sales Manager, she quickly developed a leadership skill that she could share with other women, who had a desire to make a significant income, with the flexibility that Karen enjoyed.  If you would like to request a consultation with Karen please complete our contact form and we will have her get in touch with you.

What’s Kim Doing Now?

Wednesday, June 29th, 2011

Over the last several months I have been co-hosting mini-presentations at various locations in The Greater Tampa Bay area to invite professional caregivers have lunch and learn more about The New Age of Caregiving Symposium and why they would want to attend.

Celebrating 1 year of The Caregiver Hour
Kim Linder celebrates the 1 year anniversary of The Caregiver Hour radio show with Jennifer Naster from The Fountains of Boca Ciega Bay. Their chef baked a beautiful and delicious cake.

The response has been sensational. I am very grateful. Recently, Jennifer Naster from The Fountains of Boca Ciega Bay in St. Petersburg, FL helped me with one of our mini-presentations at her beautiful community. We had 17 various healthcare professionals attend who represented different aspects of our caregiving field. Such as Bob Nordstrom, an elder law attorney, Robin

Blinder, professional organizer, Ronda Pelusio, admission liaison from a rehab center, Patricia Hall from The Guardian Association, and Chuck Bingham from a senior publication. Individually, we are very purposeful and focused, but when we get together we become extremely dynamic. Our commitment to helping seniors and all types of caregivers is uplifting and powerful. We go the extra mile to help any caregiver in need.

As a group, we believe there are many aspects of caregiving that need to be addressed and many of us as individuals have experienced the hardship of caregiving as well. We get the challenges, the heartbreak, the ups and downs, the twists and turns. In Gail Sheehy’s book, PASSAGES in Caregiving turning chaos into confidence, she perfectly describes how a caregiver named Felicitas began having chest pains and dizziness and tried to pass it off as [Oh! it's nothing. It's going to pass. For five years she never went to see a doctor.] Unfortunately, this is why hundreds of caregivers become ill or die while taking care of a loved one. As Felicitas said, “I wasn’t thinking of myself, just taking care of others.” This is dangerous thinking, but Felicitas is not alone. That is why as healthcare professionals we want to embrace this “new age of caregiving” era and become more conscious of our thoughts and actions that will allow us to take responsibility of how it effects others, as well as ourselves.

It’s time to create the balance of taking care of our loved ones or clients and to circle back and take care of ourselves.

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